I'm Terrible at Blogging!
"Laura, you really need to update the blog, there are people (like myself) that do not facebook and read it." (my reply) "Really? How do I have the time to do both when I am not the writer of the family and I agonize over every word that I type."
Over the last several weeks though I have had a real battle in my mind with facebook and how when I really want to say something about how I really feel, I'm afraid to because then the comments will seem as if they are said in guilt thinking oh, we should have known, or wow she is really out of control.....I know this thinking is crazy, kind of like this post, but maybe the blog is where I was able to share without feeling scrutinized?
I don't know if anyone actually reads the blog anymore, I have not posted in over a year, so maybe I will be begin posting again and see what kind of feedback I get. I may even challenge Jason to post once a week?
Today is August 20th, my dad's birthday. Honestly, I don't think I really ever had a chance to grieve his death. I was so engulfed in my own grief, since Lindsey had only been in Heaven for a few short (or rather very long) months. Before Lindsey's death I was just beginning to have the relationship with my dad that I had always wanted to have. Dad lived right around the corner from me and sometimes he would pop in during the middle of the day and have lunch or I could see him just about anytime I wanted to. I remember one such day when he just showed up around lunch time (imagine that!) and Cadence, Grandpa and I (Lindsey was at school) had lunch out on the screen porch. I will never forget what he wore that day, his jean overalls!
So I guess I grieve the relationship that had just begun. He loved my girls and for the first time he was around so often that he even had time to read them a few bedtime stories. These are the times I so wish I could have back. I am sad for my girls that they do not have a grandfather here on earth, but I am so thankful for the godly heritage that dad has left them with. Amazing that Lindsey and dad are together and are waiting for us, cheering for us, praying that we will stay strong and persevere until the day we see our Savior!
Can't promise another one like this for awhile.....